What He Can't Have
by horrorshowptista
Summary: Equius is so caught up in work that Nepeta is lonely. So when Gamzee calls, she's more than willing to hang out. A couple of Faygos and pies later, Gamzee realizes he likes spending time with her more than he thought. GamNep. Slight EquiusXNepeta. I changed the rating to M for language and steamy situations.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello droogs! My first Homestuck fanfic. Enjoy!**

Nepeta huffed and slumped further into her chair.

"Equiuuuuuus!" she groaned, "Are you done yet?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"No."

Nepeta sighed again. Equius had been working on Aradia's robot for a couple of hours now. She had come over earlier to hang out with him but only his work mattered it seemed. She was beginng to feel very lonely. Nobody else could really handle all of her energy. Suddenly, the phone rang.

"Aren't you going to get that?" she asked

"No. What if it's someone I don't wish to talk to?"

Nepeta sighed "I'll get it. Don't want the phone to get all sweaty."

Equius raised an eyebrow at this, usually she was peppy about everything, but lately she was acting sad and a bit boorish.

She shuffled over to the phone and put the receiver to her ear. "Zahhak residence. This is Nepeta speaking."

She was greeted with a familiar slurry voice, "HeYY. WhAt's nEw pUssycat? WhEre'S EqUibrO At?"

Nepeta sighed, "Oh hey Gamzee. He's working… has been for the past couple of days now."

"You sound motherfuckin sad pussycat. What's gottcha down?"

"I'm lonely lonely lonely. And am concerned for my friend, all this working can't be healthy."

"Motherfucking sad, pussycat. Just motherfucking sad."

"So why're you looking for Equius?"

"Just wanted to chill with my bro. Tavbro is too busy cosplaying that fuckin PupaPan shit."

"Oh ok…" Nepeta sighed and looked back at Equius. _Should I tell him? No, he's working…_

"Listen pussycat, you sound all motherfuckin depressed and shit. Why don't you come on over. We can fuckin chill."

Nepeta turned her head to Equius. She frowned and put the phone back to her ear, "Yeah. I'll be over there in just a sec. See ya Gam :3"

She hung up and grabbed her things by the door.

"Who called?" asked Equius, drilling a hole into a metal arm.

"Nobody. Uh wrong number I guess."

"Oh. I see. I suppose I shouldn't have put my contact number in the yellow pages."

"Yeah… hey, listen, I'm gonna go. I just remembered I need to go to a thing."

"A thing?"

"umm yeah. A thing. You know… I don't know!"

"Do you need a ride?"

"No, no. I'm purrfectly fine, you just keep on working!"

"Oh I see. Well if you're sure-"

"Bye!" Nepeta put her hat on over her horns and shut the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**chaptah twooooooo**

Nepeta tried to stay positive but ended up frowning the whole walk over to Gamzees. _We don't even hang out that much, at least, not without Equius. _She arrived at the big estate and knocked with the huge door knocker shaped like a goat head. She waited at the door for almost 5 minutes, tapping her foot, until a disheveled clown answered the door.

"Hey there pussycat, welcome inside." He stretched his arm out inviting her in. It was dark in his house and it smelled like popcorn. Things were thrown about the floor: dirty laundry, clean laundry, bowling pins and pie tins. Nepeta had to be careful not to step in something or trip. "Let's go up to my room. We can fucking chill there."

"Ok." said Nepeta quietly. With her head down she followed him up the stairs. He kicked the second door on the right open and stepped over all the crap on the floor and fell onto his bed. He pointed to a bean bag chair across from him and motioned for her to sit.

"So…" Nepeta huffed sadly.

"Sooo…" he laughed. "What's been motherfuckin up pussycat?"

Nepeta shrugged under her big green coat, "I guess I've just been upset lately because Equius has been so caught up in his work, which is purrfectly fine except he never has time to play anymore. I'm really wor-"

"Don't say another fuckin word pussycat" Gamzee got off from his bed and exited the room.

_What on earth is he doing?_ She wondered. With him gone, Nepeta had time to observe. Demonic clown posters were on the walls and empty pie tins were stacked on a desk next to a polka-dot journal. _How cute_ she thought, _Gamzee has a little diary! _She genuinely smiled for the first time in days and began to reach out to read it when Gamzee burst through the door again.

"FAYGO MOTHERFUCKAHS!" he had four bottles of Faygo and five pies in his arms and a huge smile on his face. He handed her a Faygo and pie, "C'mon pussycat, lighten up!"

Nepeta blushed green and shook her head. "I'm not sure Equ- I mean, I don't know if I want to, you know, get all high and stuff."

Gamzee snickered and opened a bottle and fell back on his bed. "Don't love it til ya try it pussycat."

Nepeta looked at the bottle in the light. It was red and bubbly. _He's right. I need to lighten up._ And with that she opened and took a big gulp. It was fizzy and came up her nose a bit. Gamzee saw this and laughed. He motioned for her to try a pie. Nepeta looked at the pie and stuck her finger in. She examined the glob of sophor on her finger carefully and very slowly stuck out her tongue to taste it.

"Shit pussycat! Eat the damn thing! Let's get fucked up!" said Gamzee. He was having a great time watching her act so scared of the pie.

Nepeta shrugged and giggled, "Fuck it." She shoved the pie into her face and licked the tin clean.

And so ensued a very strange and confusing high for both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

**I know the chapters are short, give me a break, it's 1:08 AM**

Hours had passed and Gamzee was lying on his bed and Nepeta was sprawled on the floor. They had gone through 5 more bottles of Faygo and 3 more pies. Gamzees makeup was smeared and he was wearing Nepeta's hat and she was wearing his shirt over hers. Neither of them remembered how that came to be but they didn't care.

"Hey clown-*Hiccup!*- got anymore Faygo?" Nepeta examined the empty bottle in her hand.

"Don't think so pussycat. We're alllllllll motherfuckin out." Gamzee laughed and scratched his head, "What were we doing here in the fuckin first place anyhow? Hehehe."

Nepeta rolled onto her tummy and groaned. "Uggghhh I'm so lonely… so lonely…"

Gamzee sat up and patted the mattress. "Sit down pussycat. Spill the beans."

She yawned and snuggled up beside him and he put his arm around her shoulder. "I suppose I'm just worried about Equius. He's my best friend and he spends all his time going atfurr Aradia when we all know perfectly well, she likes Sollux. A lot. He's just sailing to nowhere you know?" she closed her eyes and began to drift off.

Gamzee sighed and patted her on the head, he too closed his eyes. _Poor little pussycat. She's so… cute… and sweet-_

"I've got it," she said, looking up at Gamzee, "Equius in a nutshell- he wants what he can't have…" her voice trailed off as she noticed he too was drifting off.

Gamzee couldn't help himself and he began to pet the girls head. _So motherfuckin cute. Equius sure is lucky, getting to spend all this time with her. This is the most fun I've had in a while._

Nepeta fell asleep and purred as she snored and Gamzee looked up at the celling thinking while running his fingers through her hair. _Shit, I should invite her over more often. Why have I not done this before, this is motherfuckin fun! I kinda like being here with her- alone. Equius gets all serious and sweaty… hehe… but she gets laid back… _ Gamzee thought back to the reason she came in the first place. Her words rang out in his head. _He wants what he can't have… everyone knows her and Equius are inseparable. Who am I to come between that? _

Underneath his smeared white makeup, Gamzee blushed purple.

**woooo more fluff commin up! :33**


	4. Chapter 4

**ok. i edited it and it no longer sucks as bad as it did:**

Nepeta woke to find herself wrapped up in Gamzees arms She smiled and burrowed her face deeper into his chest. He smelled like buttery pie crust, in a good way. She began to drift off again when she saw how dark it was outside. She looked at the clock and sat straight up. Gamzee snapped awake when she broke free from his arms.

"What what… what's goin on pussycat?" he asked sleepily.

"The time," she said as she jumped onto the floor and picked up her bag. She gave Gamzee a goodbye hug and blushed bright green when she realized she was wearing his shirt over hers and just hugged his bare chest. "Uhh… this is yours I guess… haha" she gave him his shirt back and headed for the door, "I'm forgetting something I know it….GAH! Fuck it, I gotta go. If I've left something, I'll come back for it I guess. Bye Gam!" and with that she flew out the door and down the stairs.

Gamzee watched her get out okay from his window and smiled as she ran down the street. _Motherfucking adorable. _He shuffled into his bathroom downstairs to take a shower and began to undress and get in. When he was washing his hair he noticed something on his head. _The fuck is this? _He still had Nepetas hat and now it was all wet. He tried to take it off but his horns weren't exactly made for hats and he tore the little hat. _Shit. I'll sew it up I guess. _He got out of the shower and wiped any leftover makeup off with a towel and shuffled back upstairs. He didn't even bother getting dressed fully but instead just walked around in his boxers. He grabbed his polka-dot journal to write in. He liked writing after he had showered because then the high was a little worn off, that way he could think straight and get out what he wanted to say. He looked back at his bed and examined the impression she made in the sheets. He laughed to himself and lay back down. He wrote until he fell asleep with a pen still in his hand.

**I'm going to write as much as i can today and try to update as soon as possible**


	5. Chapter 5

**Updated Chapter 5 yipee.**

The next day, Gamzee called Equius.

"This is Equius speaking. How may I help you?"

"Equibro what's motherfucking up?"

"Oh, hello Gamzee. I have been working on Aradia's robot. May I ask the intentions of you calling me?"

"Oh yeah man. I was just wonderin where the pussycat's at."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Nepeta. Have you seen her? She motherfucking there?"

"Why no. I am unsure of her whereabouts as of last night when she left. Have you tried trolling her at home?"

"Yeah. She doesn't answer. Kitty's probably motherfuckin hungover."

"From what?"

"She didn't tell you bro? We chilled last night and got real fucked up."

Equius' voice changed tone, "Oh my… so you two are red I suppose?"

"Naw man. Listen, there's a motherfuckin difference between getting fucked up and fucking. You're thinking of fucking. We just got fucked up on Faygo and pies."

Equius sighed in relief, "Oh I see-"

"Besides man, I would never take your kittycat from you! I know you all are motherfuckin inseparable and shit."

"Oh. Are you implying that she and I are… red together?"

"…. Uh yeah. You are right? I mean… you spend a lot of time and stuf-"

"You are mistaken. I feel red for Aradia and Aradia only. Even if she rejects my attempts of romance I will remain faithful to her."

"Oh."

"Yeah"

"motherfucking deep."

"So why are you looking for Nepeta again?"

"Oh right. She left her hat at my place. Just let her know she can motherfuckin swing by for it."

"I shall. If you'll excuse me, I have a robot to attend to."

"Aight. See ya Equibro."

The phone went dead and Gamzee rolled back into bed and fell asleep even though it was the afternoon.

* * *

Nepeta groaned and put her head in her hands. _What am I gonna do… _She thought back to last night when she looked up at Gamzee. He looked so… cute. _ Shit, I think I like him… like like him…_

"ughhh... why did I drink so much Faygo..." She turned on pesterchum and saw messages from both Gamzee and Equius saying she left her hat. "Aw darn. I knew I was furrgetting something." She took a headache pill and grabbed her bag to leave.


	6. Chapter 6

**I couldn't write a lot yesterday. sorry. but TA-DAH!**

**CHAPTAH SIX!**

She arrived at Gamzees door just as the sun was beginning to set. She decided just to let herself in. _Why wait 5 minutes when I could be inside in 1?_

"Hello?"

No answer.

"Oh well" she shrugged her shoulders and walked up the steps to his bedroom. The door was ajar so she pushed it open to find a sleeping Gamzee sprawled on his bed in only his boxers. He had on no white makeup and was snoring with the occasional "HONK!" Nepeta's eyes bugged out of her head and she was blushing green. She quietly closed the door and knocked this time.

Gamzee woke up disoriented, "The fuck are you fucker?" he yawned and scratched his head.

He heard a giggle from outside, "Umm it's Nepeta?"

Gamzee's eyes grew big and he jumped out of bed. _Shit! My rooms a fuckin mess! Who wants to chill in a fuckin mess! _He threw on clothes and stuffed all the crap on the floor under his bed and in the closet.

"Can I come in?" asked Nepeta.

"Uhhhh hang on a sec pussycat…" Gamzee nervously laughed and fixed his bed. He looked at his somewhat-tidy room and threw open the door. "Hey pussycat. What brings you here?"

Nepeta smiled and pointed to her head. "My hat."

_Shit. I forgot to sew it up for her…_

"Oh yeah… just uh take a motherfucking seat and I'll get it for you. Just hang on a sec…" he dashed out of the room and tripped over a unicycle lying against the wall. _Shit man, get yourself together!_

Nepeta laughed and sat down on the beanbag chair across from his bed.

Downstairs, Gamzee fumbled to find a needle and thread and racked his brain on how to sew anyway. "Uhh pussycat?" he shouted

"Yeah?" she yelled back.

"Just sit tight, this might be a motherfuckin while!" _Ah-ha! Needle and thread! Now how does this go?_

Nepeta giggled and looked around the room again. _Gamzee sure is acting strange… tripping and cleaning his room? What's up with him? _Her eyes fell upon the journal dropped by the bed. _Nepeta, don't. those are his purrivate thoughts! Don't go snooping!_ She twiddled her fingers and twirled her hair. _Well, he said he'd be a while… I'll just take a little peak…_ She grabbed the journal and flipped to the newest entry:

So today I chilled with Nepeta the pussycat and we got reeeally fucked up. I feel bad for her though. Equius is so busy running after Aradia that Nepeta's all lonely. I'm not sure if I should tell Equius we were hanging out and stuff though, he really cares about the castes and it pisses me off. But what pisses me off even more is that as much as he's my bro, I think I'm jealous of him. He gets to spend all of this time with her and doesn't even appreciate it just because of the fuckin color of her blood. I don't care about her blood and if it were up to me, there'd be no caste system to get in our way. I think I'd even like to be red with her but I think she already has a matesprite. Am I just way in over my head or what? I've never thought of anyone like this before. I just feel really fucked up in the head. I really think I love that little-

*THUMP THUMP THUMP* "I fixed- I mean found it!"

Nepeta quickly threw the book back where it was and sat down again just as Gamzee entered with her hat. _Holy shit… he likes me… Gamzee like likes me… oh god what do I do? What do I do?_

"Here's your motherfuckin hat pussycat." He handed it to Nepeta but she just stared at his face.

_What do I say? Do I kiss him? Do I leave?_

"Uhh pussycat? You okay?" Gamzee was still holding the hat out and she was still staring at him.

"Wha-? Oh!" She blushed and put her head down to hide it. Taking the hat from him she said, "Thanks clown."

"Clown?" Gamzee laughed.

"Yeah! Clown! I figured since I'm Pussycat, you're Clown."

Gamzee scratched his horns and laughed "Yeah. I like that. _Clown._"

Nepeta blushed and put her hat in her bag. "So…"

Gamzee raised his eyebrow and grinned, "So…"

Nepeta put her head down to hide her blushing, "Can I ask you something?"

Gamzee sat down next to her on the beanbag. "Ask away pussycat"

She tried not to look at his face but she couldn't help herself, "This is kind of random I suppose… but I was just wondering- I mean, you never told me if you had one."

"A what?"

"I don't know… a matesprite… purrhaps?"

Gamzee stopped smiling and put his head down. "Um no. As far as I know, no one has even had flushed feelings for me before. They all think I'm psychotic and weird. I guess nobody can handle me and my problems…"

Nepeta frowned and looked at the floor. She felt terrible. _Great job dumbass- you just entered a touchy subject for him…_

But Gamzee touched her hand and gave her an "it's okay" smile. "Why do you ask? You got one?"

She gave him a smile and shook her head. "I guess they can't handle me and my energy…"

He laughed and leaned into her, "I can."

He put his lips on hers and put one hand in her hair and another on the small of her back. _I can't believe she's letting me do this. Shit this is awesome. _

She kissed him back and put her arms around his neck and pushed him back into the beanbag. His lips tasted sweet from Faygo and she was getting tingles all over. He moved his hands up her shirt and pulled it off. She scratched his back, dragging her nails across the fabric, literally ripping his shirt off. He broke from her lips and moved them lower to her neck. She put her legs around him and he picked her up. He brought her over to his bed and went on top of her. He stopped kissing her and got off of the bed, walking towards his desk. She caught her breath and frowned, "Well don't stop now."

He switched off the desk lamp so the only light was the moon coming in through the window.

"I'm only getting started."

**OoO ooo la la!**


	7. Epilogue

**sorry, i left out something but it's fixed now- the final thang- epilogueee.**

Epilogue:

"Hello, this is Equius speaking."

"Heeyy Equibro. Listen, if you see the pussycat, tell her she left… uh something at my place again."

"You two were hanging out again?"

"Hell yeah."

"Listen, I know it's all innocent fun and what not, but I would prefer if you didn't give Nepeta so many drugs so often. It's not really good for h-"

"Nah man, we didn't get fucked up this time if that's what your sayin."

"Oh. Then what did you do?"

"Fucked"

"So you did get high again?"

"Nah you've got it motherfucking wrong again. Fucked up is with Faygo. We fucked."

"Oh my."

"Yep"

"I apologize, I must hang up now. I am in need of a towel."

**the end! :33**


End file.
